Future

My life moves so quickly I rarely have time to sit down and look at it. I by no means want to brag about hw many things I do. In fact that's what this is all about, I think less of myself because I do so any things. I am constantly woring on more projects than I can keep track of and my passions are so broad they make the side of the barn look like a supermodel.

I don't know what I want. I'm at a point where I could just do this as long as it lasts and who knows it could last forever. This being Murder Mysteries, Fringe tours and odd theatre jobs, just enough to keep me living and in the parents basement. Yay! I make a living doing theatre! Yeah right.

I could trying to write more, actual writing. Try to get oney for my blogs, write articles, journalism, maybe even write a book. I could... I'm kind of ding that already. I just don't make any money off it.

I could move to LA or Vancouver and take a chance. Screw all this little stuff and the gigs I'm getting now where the actors get paid in food and the crew gets the real money. Go for a year or two in each place, see if I can find a good agent and really make it happen. Get on TV or land roles in movies. I'm not saying I'd become the next Brad Pit but lots of actors make a good living doing it.

Or I could go to New York and try the same thing but... no. Not gonna happen. Forget I even suggested it.

I could focus on this WorldWide business and try to set up a residual income and never have to work again! But I don't believe in people, so I don't believe it will work. And don;t confuse that, I believe in the system. I believe in what they are trying to do but I don't have faith in people that they can see the truth about society.

Do I work until I have enough money to start investing? Investments can be good, they can also be bad. I could do what I'm doing, stop spending money and after a halfyear to a year start investing.

I could go teach English in other countries, just spend my time travelling. Go from one place to the next and pay my way by teaching. Who knows I might find something out there better then all this. I could still write, maybe do a little theatre, or at least do theatre whenever I come back to visit, still do the Fringe tour for example. Natasha and I would both be working and facing the same struggles and overcoming them together.

Natasha, part of the issue is that I have to think about her, not just myself. I love thinking about her and I want to spend all my time with her. I'm not particularily happy with the people in my life. Most of the people I put effort into over the past few years have turned out to be not worth my time and energy. Meaning they have no interest in helping me get ahead, something which I try to help everyone I know to do. I infact rarely see these people, which is fine. Life takes us all along our own paths, mine however just doesn't go along with the paths of any of the people I have tried to walk with over the past 22 years aparently. I tried to imagine who my best man and wedding party would be... I came up with the wedding party (barely). I know it's weird to think bout those things but it's true. I couldn't really think who my "best friend" is that's a guy. My best friend is Natasha. I have one friend who we are walking along our paths together but I'm sure he counts other friends as closer to him then me. And I'm not complaining I have no friends, I have more friends then I know what to do wth, those friendships are ll just so shallow and I can't seem to strengthen any of them so I am constantly adding more and more of them to the "not worth extra effort" pile. Which isn't a bad pile, except almost everyone I know is in it.

And the people I do think are worth it? Well those are the people who have helped me get to where I am and who I will continue to do things with... here. In Edmonton, in theatre, and film, where I make a living. But live in my parents basement, and wouldn't be able to support a family.

So I could just keep doing what I'm doing, following all of my passions, putting 110% into everything and hoping it builds to the point where I can turn it into something. Or I can take action. I can stop splitting my efforts and simply do one thing really, really well, or at least fail while trying. There is nothing holding me here but the life I have. And sure it's more then wat many have and it's a great life but I will never know what else I could have if I just keep doing this. And doing this to what end? How long until I get paying film gigs? How long until people starting producing my shows for me? How long until my writing on zombies gets noticed?How long until I write something worth publishing? How long until I my hundreds of friends actually make the effort to spend time with me? These are the sorts of things I am working toward, but I feel like the path I'm on might not be a path at all. More like the middle of a field.

I'll never know unless I go.