Today I am thankful for my family, my fish, my friends.

I am looking forward to seeing Megan again. I wonder if there could be anything romantic there after so longÉ

Oh side not my keyboard is set to French, Ièm not sure how to fix it.

I am thankful today for my family even if I don't enjoy being with them haha.

I am looking forward to snowboarding again. I am looking forward to not working as much after this week.

Day 2

Today I am thankful for my successes and my failures. I am thankful for the ability to learn from those failures. I am thankful to God for letting me survive the failures that could have gone really bad.

I am looking forward to finishing a story I am writing and getting into a regular retinue that I will make for myself. I'm looking forward to eating healthy and getting my six pack back.

Starting an excercise

Today I am thankful for my parents. Without whom I would have had to live a much harder life I believe. I am also thankful for my many supporters, audiences, actors, friends, without whom my theatre career would have been short and bland.

I am thankful for Natasha, for trying. To Stefan for being such a good friend and inspiration. To Marrisa for always forgiving me and trying to make me better. For Alyssa and the way she makes me comfortable with myself.

I am looking forward to Christmas. To a day spent with my family, no matter what we end up doing.

Funny, sad, best I've ever had.

Don't follow your dreams. One day you will wake up and realize they are impossible to achieve and things will only get harder, not easier like you thought. Get a good paying job right out of high school, construction or oil, maybe a trade. Save until you can get a nice car and two paid off houses. Rent one out and live in the other, then you can start searching for your dream but you'll find you may have already found it.

First world problems

I want to deal with real problems, challenges and hardships that are worth overcoming, I'm so tired and angry with all these made up problems that North American creates for us. How many times am I supposed to deal with one issue before some paper-pusher decides to stop hassling me for no reason or where people don't care about a paint scratch or being cut-off. I'm crazy, yeah, I accept that, but I'd rather be standing up to thugs with guns, I'd rather be struggling to build a shelter in harsh conditions than have to deal with the endless, pointless rules that exist for the sole purpose of keeping the average person too bogged down they can never gain a foot on the "corporation ladder" or achieve the "american dream."

Where do we go from here?

What a said world when a search for any sort of human connection leads us to the internet. And the passion and heartache that inspires poetry ends up as a facebook status.

I'm reminded of an old post I made about conversations with girls. That's been Natasha lately. I hate it. I hate fighting with her. But most of all I hate that she won't let me into her life and has been lying to me about her reasons for it. I love her so much, love: 1. to put another person above yourself. 2. to do anything for that person. 3. to serve. I love her. I've been trying to do everything but it's falling apart and the little reasons she kept giving me seemed so fake, like she was trying to hold the Titanic together with plastic cement. And I guess it really was that bad. Today she laid out all the things I have no control over, all the reasons she won't let me close, and frankly, I knew what they were. But I have no control over them. The only one I can even adjust is that I've been going to church more lately but for her that's too little, too late I guess. I never want anyone to think she is the bad guy I'm just at a lose because there is nothing I can do and she has been holding these secrets in so long that her opinion of me has probably rotted away inside.

Now here I am, wasting time on a computer, trying to put thoughts into words. Scared even here that someone will know. Wanting to be found out but not by the wrong people. Her parents, I just want her parents to know. I want to be involved in her mission. I want her to love me, but she doesn't. At best she takes a casual interest in me because I don't push her for sex and I make her feel good. It's all about feelings with girls. I believe she is special but she's showing me the same problems, the same issues she couldn't get over years ago. She hasn't grown. She won't let me help her grow. And I can't do a thing about it. And with her as my life, my energies put into trying to become part of her life I find I have no where to turn.

No vehicle. No house. No friends. No clear path. I thought I had it all, how quickly it can be taken away. And she whines about my family, my family that terrifies us both. My family who I've sworn I will be nothing like. My family who are the only constant in my life. How is it possible to get ahead? This is the question I keep asking myself. A question I keep coming up with answers for and they keep being shot down.

Where do we go from here
Where do we go from here

The battle's done,
And we kinda won.
So we sound our victory cheer.
Where do we go from here.

Why is the path unclear,
When we know home is near.
Understand we'll go hand in hand,
But we'll walk alone in fear. (Tell me)
Tell me where do we go from here.

When does the end appear,

When do the trumpets cheer.
The curtain's close, on a kiss god knows,
We can tell the end is near...

I touch the fire and it freezes me.
I look into it and its black.
Why can't I feel?
My skin shoul crak and peel 
I died so many years ago,
you can make me feel

Where do we go from here.

I'm going out to try and meet someone... somewhere