Where do we go from here?

What a said world when a search for any sort of human connection leads us to the internet. And the passion and heartache that inspires poetry ends up as a facebook status.

I'm reminded of an old post I made about conversations with girls. That's been Natasha lately. I hate it. I hate fighting with her. But most of all I hate that she won't let me into her life and has been lying to me about her reasons for it. I love her so much, love: 1. to put another person above yourself. 2. to do anything for that person. 3. to serve. I love her. I've been trying to do everything but it's falling apart and the little reasons she kept giving me seemed so fake, like she was trying to hold the Titanic together with plastic cement. And I guess it really was that bad. Today she laid out all the things I have no control over, all the reasons she won't let me close, and frankly, I knew what they were. But I have no control over them. The only one I can even adjust is that I've been going to church more lately but for her that's too little, too late I guess. I never want anyone to think she is the bad guy I'm just at a lose because there is nothing I can do and she has been holding these secrets in so long that her opinion of me has probably rotted away inside.

Now here I am, wasting time on a computer, trying to put thoughts into words. Scared even here that someone will know. Wanting to be found out but not by the wrong people. Her parents, I just want her parents to know. I want to be involved in her mission. I want her to love me, but she doesn't. At best she takes a casual interest in me because I don't push her for sex and I make her feel good. It's all about feelings with girls. I believe she is special but she's showing me the same problems, the same issues she couldn't get over years ago. She hasn't grown. She won't let me help her grow. And I can't do a thing about it. And with her as my life, my energies put into trying to become part of her life I find I have no where to turn.

No vehicle. No house. No friends. No clear path. I thought I had it all, how quickly it can be taken away. And she whines about my family, my family that terrifies us both. My family who I've sworn I will be nothing like. My family who are the only constant in my life. How is it possible to get ahead? This is the question I keep asking myself. A question I keep coming up with answers for and they keep being shot down.

Where do we go from here
Where do we go from here

The battle's done,
And we kinda won.
So we sound our victory cheer.
Where do we go from here.

Why is the path unclear,
When we know home is near.
Understand we'll go hand in hand,
But we'll walk alone in fear. (Tell me)
Tell me where do we go from here.

When does the end appear,

When do the trumpets cheer.
The curtain's close, on a kiss god knows,
We can tell the end is near...

I touch the fire and it freezes me.
I look into it and its black.
Why can't I feel?
My skin shoul crak and peel 
I died so many years ago,
you can make me feel

Where do we go from here.

I'm going out to try and meet someone... somewhere